Bethany Dillon got it right years ago when she wrote about her song For My Love: I really do want to be fought for. I long to be recklessly pursued. I’m looking for true love, something honest and untainted, with no hidden agenda but that it wants to chase after me. I want that. It’s not just about being fussy as a girl, or being too Maria Clara or what. It’s about that yearning deep down that I think every girl has: to be pursued, to be fought for. I want that.

I deserve that much.

It’s not that I am not supposed to do anything anymore. If anything, I learned last year (and the previous year, I think), that you have to know what you want, and you have to be able to do them for someone else just as well as you want them for yourself. To be pursued means I have to be pursuable. To set standards means I have to be able to live to those standards as well. But I shouldn’t forget that my heart is an important thing, and that I accept the love that I think I deserve. And again, I deserve that much.

…if I am in relationship with Him, the Lord, then I can have patience knowing that if an earthly love story happens (and I am believing it will), my healthy relationship with God will be the thing that transforms my ability to receive and give healthy love to a man…

…Scripture talks about suffering. It gives me a heads-up that this will happen because of the brokenness that is in our world. So my desire is that my suffering or questions will not become an idol or obsession that keeps me from waiting well.

Because I know this type of waiting that I have described will be part of married life, too.

While the seasons of my life will change, the character of God will not. And, as I said before, I believe in a God who wants to transform and redeem. A God who will transform and redeem, when I ask. In sorrow, in joy, in wonder, and in wait, He is at work on our stories of love.

tomyfuturespouse:

I pray for you daily. When I’m driving in my car, or that moment of
bliss before I slip into my dream. That’s when I think about you most.
I think about the kisses we will share. The ones sweeter then the
stars. I pray for your salvation, and I wonder if you have found it
yet. I pray that you are smiling as I write this, that every day you
look to our Father for your answers. Cause baby, He’s there. I pray
that until we meet, you will guard your heart. Because one day it will
be my most valuable possession. I look forward to the spiders flying cockroaches* you will protect me from, and to those moments where looking at you is better than anything else in the world.

* Well, I just had to edit. :P

What is great about creating a list like this is it gives a single person a filter through which to weed out candidates that don’t fit. Paige confesses she didn’t have a lot of faith anything like this man could exist, and we’ve both grieved the men of lesser character that she entertained, even as we have grieved my own sordid character, before I knew the good women I spent time with were beautiful and sacred and yet belonged to other men who would honor them and grieve my neglect for their beloved. In the end, we are both thankful Paige never settled. Somehow she always moved on, always let them go and trusted God would give her a man who loves her heart uniquely.

I’d advise any young girl or young man to create a list like this, and to have faith and sacrifice each day to honor the man or woman who will fulfill those desires. For Paige, this meant seasons of loneliness, seasons of going without, seasons of doubt. Perhaps this will be the gift you will give your spouse, your loneliness, your steel determination to endure though your faith is weak.

Because, you know, wish lists aren’t only for Christmas and birthdays. <3