galaxies and such

when words aren't enough

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"Remember, the well is dry." One of my favorite passages in Hope Was Here by Joan Bauer. 📖

"Remember, the well is dry." One of my favorite passages in Hope Was Here by Joan Bauer. 📖

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let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
dear

so comes love

let it go-the by e e cummings

Filed under poetry

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02

They said she expected too much.

They were right.

She tries, she tried to get rid of them. But sometimes, when she is not vigilantly guarding herself, she finds that her expectations rise up before she can stop herself. And while her rational self scrambles to follow it and keep them down and take them away, her regular self gets bogged down by thoughts so heavy that sometimes she feels like she’s getting buried alive.

She wished she could be like one of those girls who never seem to let anything faze them. She wished she could always remain calm and cool and collected, not looking like she had a care in the world even if she does. These expectations make her feel clingy and needy, and it was the last things she wanted to be. She hated it when her expectations get the best of her.

How many times had she wished that she could take them away, bury them and never see them again? Too many, it seems.

"What he did made you happy because you were not expecting anything," her friend told her once. She can still remember the warm happy glow that time, when something unexpected came around. It was an epiphany of sorts, and she tried to hold on to that thought, that feeling.

Every time something happens, her heart fights harder to keep the expectations away, reminding herself of that warm, happy glow she felt that night, when everything felt perfect, when everything was not what she thought it would be, but still exactly what she wanted it to be. She kept that warm feeling in tucked in the corners of her heart to remind herself of what she needs to remember when she needs to fight for it. Whenever the enemy that is her expectations come up and haunt her, she tries her best to shoot it down. And even if sometimes it feels like a losing battle, she tries harder and harder.

And sometimes, she wins.

Filed under random

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01

She never asked for any of this.

She’s fine, she thought. She is okay, she does not need this. She knows she’s okay, and she wanted to give herself a little break for a while. Everything that happened in the past year was so exciting but it wore her out, to the point of throwing in the towel and saying, “I’m done.” She walked away, intending to put herself first, intending to make her happiness her first priority.

Perhaps it was her fault, anyway, why things turned that way. She wanted it a lot — too much, probably. She did everything that she thought she can, she did things she would never have done for something or someone else, and she got results. It just wasn’t the kind of results she wanted. But after some time, you stop wanting something when it’s not wanting you back. Or when it’s almost completely unresponsive.

So finally, she said: Enough.

Her friends did not believe her. They said she would find something else to want soon. She told them she’d show them, because this time around, she was determined not to give in. She was serious.

And it worked for a while. Until it didn’t.

She didn’t ask for this. But now that she’s in too deep, she doesn’t know if she can still get out of it. She doesn’t know if she still wants to get out of it before this hurts her again.

Perhaps it was because she has hope that this would work. That she won’t have to say “Enough” and “I’m done” anymore. Maybe her friends were right that she would find someone else to want soon, but this time around, he will also want her back.

Maybe now that she didn’t ask for him, things would work out. And she won’t have to put her foot down to stop the silliness because there’s nothing to stop this time around.

Filed under random

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The ML’s Guide to Writing in the Philippines

lettersandlight:

Tina has been an ML in the Philippines region for five years, and was joined by Liana in 2010. The NYC and London MLs are super rad, but Tina and Liana are keeping an entire country racing towards 50,000 words.

Tina was kind enough to jot down a quick guide to noveling in the Philippines. Guys. They have a local varietal of coffee that is mighty-man strong. Game changer.

Read More

(Source: lettersandlight)

Filed under nanowrimo

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…handing everything over to Christ does not, of course, mean you stop trying. To trust Him means, of course, trying to do all that He says. There would be no sense in saying you trusted a person if you would not take his advice. Thus if you have already handed yourself over to Him, it must follow that you are trying to obey Him. But trying in a new way, a less worried way. Not doing these things in order to be saved, but because He has begun to save you already. Not hoping to get Heaven as a reward for your actions, but inevitably wanting to act in a certain way because a first faint gleam of Heaven is already inside you.
p. 147-148, Mere Christianity by CS Lewis

Filed under cs lewis mere christianity quote God this

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It is simply no good trying to keep a thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go - let it die away - go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow - and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time.
p. 111, Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

Filed under this cs lewis Mere Christianity book quote

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When people tell me they don’t read, in my head, I’m always asking “How?!”

vivatregina:

How can you not? How do you cope? How do you deal with all the shit life flings at you if you can’t hide away in a book?

Some will say “music,” and I used to say music, too, but there are times when a song can magnify all your bad feelings and make everything so much worse.

But never books. For a few hours, I can pick up a bundle of paper and just lose myself in a life that isn’t mine, a life that doesn’t have the trials and trivialities of my own (decidedly mundane, but at times, overwhelming) existence. Watching movies or television is entertaining, but it isn’t as all-consuming as drowning yourself in words and making them come to life in your head.

It’s an escape. I can check out of my life for a while and check into someone else’s. I can, through my imagination, be someone else and, if I’m lucky, actually have a clear resolution at the end. I can actually win.

Real life makes no such promises.

Filed under this reading books