They said she expected too much.
They were right.
She tries, she tried to get rid of them. But sometimes, when she is not vigilantly guarding herself, she finds that her expectations rise up before she can stop herself. And while her rational self scrambles to follow it and keep them down and take them away, her regular self gets bogged down by thoughts so heavy that sometimes she feels like she’s getting buried alive.
She wished she could be like one of those girls who never seem to let anything faze them. She wished she could always remain calm and cool and collected, not looking like she had a care in the world even if she does. These expectations make her feel clingy and needy, and it was the last things she wanted to be. She hated it when her expectations get the best of her.
How many times had she wished that she could take them away, bury them and never see them again? Too many, it seems.
“What he did made you happy because you were not expecting anything,” her friend told her once. She can still remember the warm happy glow that time, when something unexpected came around. It was an epiphany of sorts, and she tried to hold on to that thought, that feeling.
Every time something happens, her heart fights harder to keep the expectations away, reminding herself of that warm, happy glow she felt that night, when everything felt perfect, when everything was not what she thought it would be, but still exactly what she wanted it to be. She kept that warm feeling in tucked in the corners of her heart to remind herself of what she needs to remember when she needs to fight for it. Whenever the enemy that is her expectations come up and haunt her, she tries her best to shoot it down. And even if sometimes it feels like a losing battle, she tries harder and harder.
And sometimes, she wins.
Tina has been an ML in the Philippines region for five years, and was joined by Liana in 2010. The NYC and London MLs are super rad, but Tina and Liana are keeping an entire country racing towards 50,000 words.
Tina was kind enough to jot down a quick guide to noveling in the Philippines. Guys. They have a local varietal of coffee that is mighty-man strong. Game changer.
The Philippines region rundown: